It is a little known fact that Pigs are the source and cause of all secret societies. The first secret society was formed in New Guinea by cannibal head-hunting tribes. The lucky men of this warrior culture found that their wives were so hard working, tilling the land, growing rice, and gathering fruit, that they had nothing better to do than admire their Pigs.
Pig admiration soon became a cultural focal point, and the finest pigs were valued for their spectacular curling tusks and pot bellys. Great competitiveness naturally occurred between these pig owners, who had to come up with more and more elaborate excuses for their strange behavior, as their wives were starting to demand support in keeping the home.
Imaginatively, the men began to claim their pigs had great magical powers, and worshipping them through their secret rituals was of great necessity for the safety and survival of the tribes. Not surprisingly, before long the men began to believe their own "pigshit", and the secret societies as we see them today, with their intricate power structures and arrogant self-aggrandizement were first established.
Intriguingly, the average farmyard pig of present-day Ireland harbors identical lice to those found on the wild pigs of New Guinea. Proving just how long a louse can survive on the back of an old bore.
It is perhaps fitting that Scotland's "Roslin Institute", the vanguard of genetic engineering situated in the small town of Roslyn, and whose Masonic temple is the mecca of global Freemasonry, recently announced the first succcessful cloning of six identical Pigs!