School shootings are cool. Every time I hear about some kid bringing his dad’s guns to school and blowing everyone away, I get very jealous because exciting stuff like that never happened at my school. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I found myself sitting in math class, bored to tears, daydreaming of some kid storming in with a grease gun and shooting my teacher like 50 times in the face. And then I would be like “DUDE YOU ARE AWESOME! I HATED THAT BITCH!” and he would smile and give me the thumbs up and then head off down the hallway to his next victim.
The school shootings are happening more and more often too; between February 7th and February 12th, five school shootings have taken place. Guess all those cameras and metal detectors didn’t do much good, did they? Hee hee. The best part is that most of the perpetrators of school shootings these days are victims of bullying. It’s a perfect example of justice. The school won’t do anything about the funny-looking kid getting picked on, and he exacts revenge by blasting them all with a shotgun. It’s good that they finally take a stand; I have more respect for the nerds who go on shooting sprees than the nerds who just pussy out and let everyone walk all over them.
With that being said, I would like to offer some advice to any would-be school shooters out there. First of all, try to get yourself a high quality assault rifle that can be disassembled to fit easily in your backpack. Bring a sidearm too; preferably a 9mm with a high magazine capacity. Use hollow-point rounds. One good strategy for getting a high kill count is to load all your guns and stash them in the bathroom, go out in the hall and pull the fire alarm, and when everyone is crowded out in the hall, grab your guns and mow them down. Aim for the head and stay frosty. And for fuck sake, don’t forget to kill yourself before the cops catch you; that way the victim’s families won’t have the thought of you rotting in jail to comfort them. With some good planning, you could pull off a shooting that would put Cho Seung-Hui to shame. Good luck!
